Parental Bonding

PARENTAL BONDING
Anjali had to wait for almost three years after marriage, before the twins arrived; within two minutes of each other. Unlike twins, both the boys were quite different from each other in looks, weight and other physical features. But they were both cute, cuddly, fair-complexioned, with lot of hair on the head, and appeared to be quite alert for newly-born. Her husband, his parents and her parents too who had come from far-off Uttar Pradesh on the occasion, were all on seventh heaven for the bonanza of getting two sons and grandsons at one go, respectively.
Both the boys grew up fast into an adorable pair, and the gaze of passers-by would compulsively turn to the occupants of the pram when they were being taken for an outing by their attendant. They were in great demand by the neighbours who would occasionally take them to their homes to play with them. Naturally, the mother was highly protective of them, and would not readily agree to part with them against such requests; but when her mother-in-law offered to take the elder one (by virtue of having arrived two minutes earlier) to Delhi for a month, where the kids’ grandpa was working, she could not say ‘no’. The girl was stressed too much looking after two babies, and was not averse to a break, particularly because this boy was singularly attached to the grandmother. After fifteen days, Anjali could not bear the separation, and the elder lady was summoned back with the baby.
When the boys were four years old, the family including the grandparents decided to have a short holiday in the United States of America, courtesy some relatives and friends in that country. They travelled across USA with the toddlers in arms or on the strollers, seeing almost all the sights to be seen, and were duly dazzled by the highly developed and beautiful country, with almost limitless opportunities for advancement of the ambitious entrepreneur. Anjali’s husband took a spot decision, kept strictly to himself to start with, to move over to the Mecca of the adventurous to try his luck, whatever the consequences. On return to India, he scaled down his well established business, handed over the reins to his youngest brother, and left for the El Dorado with only a few thousand dollars in his pocket. Helped by a relative and his friends in the US, he could establish a foothold, and called his wife and kids also after about one year. The family took residence in the state of Texas, and after four years moved over to Virginia, next door to Washington DC, where Anjali’s husband started his own business.
The boys continued to retain roots in the country of their birth, speaking fluent Hindi and grew up to healthy and active adolescence. They were quite serious about their studies even in the changed environment. Both were devoted to their parents, who in turn were extremely attached to the children, as are most of the Indians settled down in the USA. The father had to spend lot of time to nurture his business, but the mother who was whole time tending to the boys, could not bear to be away from them even for a few hours. Elder boy was a wizard in Mathematics, and the younger one developed an excellent command of English language; with the result that he gained admission to TJ School (Thomas Jefferson School), one of the most prestigious institutions of US. Both graduated from school education this year, and due to their excellent scholastic achievements, got admitted to the best universities of the country for professional degree courses. They were seen off to their respective colleges at Michigan and Illinois by the parents two months ago.
On return home after seeing the children off to the distant places, both the parents started feeling very lonely, particularly the mother, who was housebound all the time – the father, of course, spending most of the time of the day at work. Visualizing the predicament the girl was in, and having experienced such agonies myself in the past, I decided to empathize with Anjali (not her real name), who is my daughter-in-law -- the wife of our first-born. I called her long-distance, and asked her how she is coping up with the loneliness. She replied, sounding cheerful and trying to camouflage the obvious pain she was in, “Well, I am managing somehow. I do not have the heart to go to the boys’ rooms, and these are exactly as they were left by them when they left home. I will not be able to stand the sight of empty rooms, with their clothes, books, paraphernalia and their smell lingering in the air, which only a mother can discern .” I could sense the lump in her throat at this point of time. She however continued bravely. “Their absence sometimes hits me like a rock, and I start feeling absolutely wretched….” With this, she broke off, unable to mouth her words. I felt I had touched a raw nerve. I said, “I understand how you feel. Imagine how we felt like when eleven years ago all four of you suddenly left our home and hearth for distant shores. The happy time we spent with all of you, the laughter of children, the patter of little feet and the pranks they used to play around the house still haunt us from time to time. We realized that you all will now come here only once in a blue moon, as guests. Both I and my wife shed silent tears for days, till time, the biggest healer, dulled the pain of separation. And then two years later, our youngest son along with his wife too went away to the USA to seek a new career.” I was not sure she was still on the line. I said, “Are you still there, dear?” “Yes, Yes, I am listening. Please go on”, she replied. I continued, “If you want to make a straight line drawn on a paper look shorter, the best way is to draw a longer line alongside. And please remember, priorities of an Indian couple undergo a quantum shift once a child is born to them. They start living and dreaming only for the happiness and wellbeing of their offspring; their own wants take a backseat. That is why we did not raise any objections when our two sons expressed their intention of migrating to destinations half-way around the globe. So please start living in the present, and look forward to the boys’ next visit home a few weeks hence.” There was a short pause; after which she said, “ Thank you Papa, I will remember what you have said.” With this, she rang off.
I hope she will be more composed when next time I talk to her.
Author: S.S.Seth